she reminded me of you

I didnt know you were here, and when i found out my heart fell sky high.  i wanted to scream your name and sprint into embracing arms melt into a waltz and fly around the trees.  our sunrise came to mind.  your backbend came to mind. my mind left to find you and yours for the best conversations i ever had. you know exactly the right amount of silence to spread on a blanket for sketching summer romances takes concentration.  funny how my mistakes didnt come to mind.  i saw you there. and i didnt move.  it wasnt really you. but i couldnt take my eyes off you all night.

ive never done this before...

shaving is an interesting thing.  and its something i have to do every once in a while.  im extremely happy i dont have to do it every day though.  but today i woke up with a funny feeling or something.  i'll admit that when i was younger i tried shaving my legs once. it was such an awful experience i only got one leg done.  it was so bad i decided it was better to live with one shaved and one unshaved then to shave the other one.  apparently those memories have faded from my mind because today i decided im going to the beach and i dont wanna look like a woolly mammoth on the legs.  i did choose a different weapon of choice this time for the job though.  first time around i used a regular razor.......i blame it on being young and dumb.  today how ever i went for an electric razor with adjustable height settings.  it took longer then i thought it would honestly, but all in all im pretty happy with the result. i dont know if i will make an everyday habit out of this.  in fact im pretty sure i wont, but atleast now i know that when i wake up with that funny feeling there is something i can do about it.

morning transitions

mornings are hard.  even when they dont happen in the morning. its 1:30 in the afternoon and im sitting in a haze of puffy eyed just woke up sleep schedule gone wrong fiasco. and the funny thing is im not entirely sure how it happened.  whoops...

sometimes you want to be alone

other times you dont.  i understand that lifeis messy and unplanned, and it gets busy. i know that. i get tired too.  but i long for personal connection.  and i crave friendship.  i get annoyed when im around you to much and i get lonely when i dont see you. lifes complicated.  im complicated.  being around friends is simple, it makes life simple.  

sumofeelinfantastic

good morning world. i know that it is morning somewhere around you.  and it is to that morning i dedicate this post. i am feeling refreshed and ready to face something.  my day may be a little to much for right now but i think breakfast and a shower may be within my grasp.  i have been struggling with a feeling of complacency and, not boredom to be sure but a feeling of life having so much to offer and none of it for me.  i guess depressed is the word for it but i hate that word.  so im gonna call it sumofeelincrummy.  but this morning my feeling of sumofeelincrummy has changed into one of possibility.  and for that i thank whatever had a hand in the change.  it could have been the six icecream bars ive eaten in the last two days.  and the gelato i had last night, or the pint of ben and jerrys we did in.  but im thinking it was more a mental shift and less of a physical one.  yay world.  day here i come.

there are to many lights in my life

i spend entirely to much time in front of the computer.  bummer.  but not only that when i go to take a break from my computer, i go site in front of the tv. and when i want a night out to relax, i go watch a movie.  and if im on the go im looking things up on my iphone.  im not sure why i do this.  maybe i am just a bug after all attracted to the light.  i mainly just wanted an excuse to post something with a picture...

half life

i live a half life. one of the reasons i decided to be an actor is because i get to be so many things. that was one of the best parts of becoming an actor. i can be a lawyer and doctor a police man a special agent. i get all the girls and i have the coolest stuff.  i can be a murderer and yell and scream my head off. and get paid for it.  

i now realize i dont really get to be anything.  i never get to train to be an astronaut.  i never really know the logic of a scientist that i play.  i only know the words. and they arent even my own.  i pretend all day long and dont get to stop. i change my reality daily.  i cant really make a difference past when they yell "cut".  and the girl always leaves my arms on "cut" to return to first position and temp me all over again. 

foot wear is really a choice for the day

like if you wear flip flops its like saying hope i dont get chased today. note to self, be nice to people in sneakers.

location is really a choice for friendships.  the more time that goes by the less i hear from friends across the country.  the more i try to keep up with them the more i realize im actually falling behind and in danger of losing them all together.  

were do you find the balance between absence makes the heart grow fonder and out of sight out of mind? should i just accept that 2000 miles is to much distance for constant conversation to travel?

technology has made communicating across vast distances effortless. once i click post you could read this in china just as soon as you could if you were my neighbor. it has also made physical communication priceless. 

i miss face face and i dont even know it.  i move when touched because i am not used to it.  i cant interact with groups because normally its just me and my computer.  i cant say what i mean in person because i dont have the time to think about it like i do when i typing or texting.

thank you for allowing me to communicate with my brothers and sisters across the world. i blame you for making me used to lonely knowledge and interaction.

start here, good luck.

...prescript warning... i will not be using capitol letters in this blog.  nor will grammar restrain my thought process.  or any of those other things i didnt learn in school that im supposed to do when i write.

i worked on several opening lines and deleted all but this one. i tried to sound clever and i tried to sound funny. i don't know about you, but i know about me that i am tired of prepared openings with planned endings. i am building pressure waiting to explode with spontaneous(i know thats not grammatically correct, i did it on purpose). genuine is what i want to be.  there will be no "how are you?"s with "good" as the only answer in this blog.