half life

i live a half life. one of the reasons i decided to be an actor is because i get to be so many things. that was one of the best parts of becoming an actor. i can be a lawyer and doctor a police man a special agent. i get all the girls and i have the coolest stuff.  i can be a murderer and yell and scream my head off. and get paid for it.  

i now realize i dont really get to be anything.  i never get to train to be an astronaut.  i never really know the logic of a scientist that i play.  i only know the words. and they arent even my own.  i pretend all day long and dont get to stop. i change my reality daily.  i cant really make a difference past when they yell "cut".  and the girl always leaves my arms on "cut" to return to first position and temp me all over again. 

foot wear is really a choice for the day

like if you wear flip flops its like saying hope i dont get chased today. note to self, be nice to people in sneakers.

location is really a choice for friendships.  the more time that goes by the less i hear from friends across the country.  the more i try to keep up with them the more i realize im actually falling behind and in danger of losing them all together.  

were do you find the balance between absence makes the heart grow fonder and out of sight out of mind? should i just accept that 2000 miles is to much distance for constant conversation to travel?

technology has made communicating across vast distances effortless. once i click post you could read this in china just as soon as you could if you were my neighbor. it has also made physical communication priceless. 

i miss face face and i dont even know it.  i move when touched because i am not used to it.  i cant interact with groups because normally its just me and my computer.  i cant say what i mean in person because i dont have the time to think about it like i do when i typing or texting.

thank you for allowing me to communicate with my brothers and sisters across the world. i blame you for making me used to lonely knowledge and interaction.

start here, good luck.

...prescript warning... i will not be using capitol letters in this blog.  nor will grammar restrain my thought process.  or any of those other things i didnt learn in school that im supposed to do when i write.

i worked on several opening lines and deleted all but this one. i tried to sound clever and i tried to sound funny. i don't know about you, but i know about me that i am tired of prepared openings with planned endings. i am building pressure waiting to explode with spontaneous(i know thats not grammatically correct, i did it on purpose). genuine is what i want to be.  there will be no "how are you?"s with "good" as the only answer in this blog.